Today is a silent anniversary for me.
A year ago, at this moment I was waking up from surgery, exhausted and reaching out to “time” to pull me forward to this day.
Time! That constant I can’t avoid or out run. It’s a mystery I lean into when life pushes or pulls me off center.
I often think of time as a fickle, shape shifter that can freeze a moment or turn it into an endless summer day.
In the past year, the idea of time has been getting under my skin.
I’ve been going about my day while tiny cells have been busy patching the incisions across my belly. They have left behind perfectly imperfect scars that prove without a doubt…time heals.
At least the skin.
Time in my studio has been a great gift. The hours, filled with tiny brush strokes, smoothed out all the fear and turned a canvas into art.
Art, that I’m staring at on my studio wall.
Art, that has me wondering how I go about changing from one thing to another. All the thin layers of paint remind me of how my life’s moments collect, piling up like leaves in the fall, then disappear into a land called memory. Some memories return as vivid as those original marks at the most unexpected times. Others, quietly blend away into the atmosphere of my days.
I think I’ve learned that I’ll never get back to my old self again.
Just like in a painting, I can never go back once the marks are made. Instead…the lesson is to keep creating with the changes.
To let emotion go somewhere…for me it wants to go into paint. To follow the green colors, like a bridge from light to darkness and back again. To make shapes over and over ’til they give the illusion of depth.
To realize every tiny detail moves me forward though time. And, that is the only way to go.
I’m sure you have your own silent anniversaries.
Maybe, they are moments only you and those close to you remember.
Moments that colored a corner of your life and gave it meaning. Then you found that “time” had pulled you through too, so you could look at it all from a distance and see what you needed.
I’m making the final marks on the paintings that are now milestones from my year of healing inside and out. I’ll be sharing more of them with you soon.
Until then, I hope your time is spent enjoying the endless days of summer:)